The Origami Forum

have a story you're making and don't know who to share it with? well here is just what you need! post any stories you're making right here!
here is a story i'm working on.
Chapter one
LOUIS
I eat mind control pudding for lunch
Hi, my name is Louis Moctezuma and I live with my two cousins, Ted and Hannah. I am going to tell you how my boring regular life turned into a life threatening adventure. It all started on a Wednesday, which is pudding day at my school cafeteria. I was walking back from math. I reached my locker, opened it and put my math stuff in my backpack. Then I reached into the front pocket of for my lunch money. I groped around a bit and finally grabbed something paper. I pulled it out and saw it was a small blue envelope. On the front it said in a tall loopy script, to Master Moctezuma. I thought it meant my dad but he was away so much he had thought it was better for me to stay with my aunt and uncle plus it wasn’t my teacher’s handwriting so I decided to open it. Inside it said, if you are reading this you are already in danger. When you are finished reading this letter burn it. In the cafeteria order pudding for dessert. At this point I stopped. Why, I wondered should I order the pudding when the ice cream was so much better? I decided to keep reading to see if they had anything else to say that suggested they knew more than they should. Wait until 3 o’ clock I await you in the clouds. Sincerely, Stanley Yemeclah. Of course I wondered Who was Stanley Yemeclah and why did he want me to eat some pudding but I usually take the word of people who are older than me and with that last thought I headed off to the cafeteria.
In the cafeteria Hannah and ted were waiting for me. I looked at their hands and saw that they too had small blue envelopes.
“So did you get the letter telling you to eat the pudding too?” I asked Ted.
“How did you know?” Ted asked suspiciously.
“Maybe he’s magic.” Hannah said.
“Be quiet Hannah nobody asked you.” Ted told her.
“Well are you going to eat it?” I asked him.
“Obviously.” Ted said in a slightly annoying way.
And then we went off and ordered lunch.
We ate the pudding in very small bites so we could spit it out easily if it was poison. When nothing happened we all just assumed this Stanley Yemeclah person was a little bit crazy. But at 3o’clock my legs decided to take a road trip. It was during science that I stood up and started walking out the door. Nobody noticed which I was thankful for because having your legs moving without you wanting them to is surprisingly embarrassing. I looked down the hall and saw ted and Hannah walking down the hall toward me in an uncomfortable looking way. They reached me and I started walking towards the front door of the school. My legs dragged me face first through them. I walked past the parking lot and to the bus stop where right on cue a golden bus with the words sky high bus services pulled up and my legs walked me in. the bus was full of a lot of kids about our age so I figured we would fit right in. I sat down and immediately drifted to sleep.

Chapter two
TED
Hannah and her Barbie fireworks
When we woke up it looked like we were in the sky. Yes I know it sounds impossible but we were surrounded by clouds and a couple birds. I woke up Louis and Hannah; yes this is ted telling the story now, and told them that we were in the clouds. Of course Hannah just had to investigate so she walked around for a bit and came to a conclusion.
“We are not in the sky.” Said smart Alec Hannah.
“Then how do you explain the clouds and birds?” I said.
“We are in a concrete block painted to look like the sky.” Said Hannah in an annoyingly superior way.
I looked around and saw she was right for about the second time in her life. If you looked very closely you could see the birds were not moving. I wondered how I hadn’t noticed it before.
“Hannah do you have any more of those fireworks?” I asked her.
“Yeah but it’s the special edition one I got at the Barbie sale at toys“R”us.” Hannah said.
Now don’t ask me why a 7 year old girl carries around fireworks it’s just how Hannah is.
“You have a choice between the firework and your life.” I informed Hannah.
“Could I have a chocolate bar and my life?” she asked.
“NO”
“Fine.” Hannah said.
She handed over the firework but then I realized.
“Does anyone have some matches?” I asked.
“Actually I have a couple.” Louis told me.
I took a match from him, lit the firework, set it against the wall and stood back.
The firework blew a hole in the wall just big enough to squeeze through. When we stepped through an amazing sight met our eyes. We were in an enormous room made of dark wood. All around us I saw other concrete cubes painted with pictures of clouds, the night sky and underground. To our right I saw a large stairwell. Well actually it wasn’t me who saw the stairwell it was Louis. Anyway we walked down the stairs and saw a large set of mahogany doors we opened them and were greeted by a very strange sight.








Chapter three
LOUIS
Snakes learn to talk.
When we walked through the mahogany doors we saw three things. Number one, a short guy with a ten gallon hat. Number two, a man covered in green scales. Number three, we really were in the clouds.
“Welcome, welcome.” Said the short guy.
He had a western accent.
“Yesssssss, come in.” said the snake man
I stepped into the mansion and saw ted and Hannah do the same behind me.
“First we must tell what god you are related to.” Said the western guy. “My name is Stanley, Stanley Yemeclah.” Said Stanley.
“He’s going crazy.” I said
“Yep.” Ted said
“Just do it.” Stanley said and handed us a needle. “Take a little blood and give it to Snakes here.” He told us.
“Let me get this straight.” I said “you want me to stab myself with a needle and then give my blood to a mutant I don’t know?” I asked Stanley.
“Yes but don’t call him a mutant he’s very sensitive about that.” Stanley said.
“Louis just do it.” Ted said.
“fine.” I said and stabbed myself with the needle.







Chapter four
LOUIS
We fight the evil anteater of death.
What can I say about the needle? It hurt to stab myself but amazingly the cut healed right up. I gave the needle back to Snakes who to my disgust sucked the blood off the needle!
“Mmmmm…. Tastesss like quetzalcoatl.” he said.
“Oookay” I said. “Ted you do it now.”
Ted repeated the process on his arm and gave the neeldle to Snakes. When snakes licked it this time he said
“Horus, definitely Horus.”
“So we have an Aztec god and an Egyptian god. Interesting.” Said Stanley.
“Hannah, it’s your turn!” Ted called to her even though she was next to him.
“Okay, okay.” Hannah said and stabbed herself with the needle.
The truth was Hannah screamed.
“I think the people upstairs heard that.” Said Stanley.
“I think people in California heard that!” I said.
“Nephthys.” Snakes said.
We were all excepting that this was real when disaster struck.
A giant black shape that looked like a combination of a dog, a bunny, and an anteater broke through the wall. It grabbed up Stanley in its mouth and threw him out the doors and into the open sky. Snakes ran upstairs. I guessed it was just me, Hannah and Ted against this monster. I had a strange tugging in my gut. I raised my hand to the sky and a huge gust of wind full of clouds crackling with lightning flew through the open doors and hit the monster knocking it back about ten feet and charring its face. Ted made a punching motion towards the monster and a giant golden fist hit it square in the jaw. Hannah just sat there watching us and playing with baby dolls. Then she noticed the monster and threw her doll at it. The doll turned into a ball of water that must have been very hot because when it hit the monster its fur started to steam. Then we all pointed at the sky (Hannah did this with her doll.) and then at the monster. An enormous cloud of glowing symbols scalding water and lightning hit the monster and it exploded into dust.





Chapter Five
TED
Hannah becomes cloud girl
“Now that the anteater is dust I guess we go rescue Stanley.” Hannah said
“I guess so.” Louis said. Then he jumped out of the doors and started falling. We could see Stanley below as a little black speck. He yelled to us. “Concentrate on flying!” he said. So I did.
How do I describe turning into a bird? If you are claustrophobic I don’t recommend it. It sort of feels like being squeezed into a space about 1 foot tall and 5 inches wide. Now that I think about it, it really is being squeezed into a foot tall space. Then you open your eyes and, viola! You’re a bird! Louis did the same thing behind me but turned into a bird serpent thingy. Then I swooped down and grabbed Stanley. Yes that’s right Louis, I did it not you. I looked up and saw Hannah on the terrace above looking at us.
“I wanna play!” she said. Then she jumped straight off the terrace!
“Mom’s going to kill me.” I muttered to myself. Or I would have if I hadn’t been in bird form at the moment. Then I rocketed back up to the terrace with Stanley in my claws.
I reached the terrace just in time. Apparently bird form has a time limit. The very second I reached the edge of the terrace I turned back into a human. Apparently mutated snake bird didn’t have a time limit. Louis flew around for a minute showing off.
“That was amazing!” Stanley said. “I couldn’t have done better myself!”
“What about Hannah?” I asked. I wasn’t really worried about her. More about my parents and what they would do to me.
“Oh she’ll be fine.” Stanley said.
“Last time I checked seven year olds who hurl themselves off terraces aren’t ‘fine’ physically, emotionally, or mentally.” Louis said. He had a good point there. Just then a puffy white cloud floated in through the doors. It disappeared and Hannah was sitting on the floor in front of us dripping wet.
“I was playing with the clouds.” She said.
“See what I mean.” Stanley said. “Now I think it is time for a little talk.”
as you can see it's kind of Percy jackson-ish. i hope to finish it soon!

That seems sort of interesting so far, but you need to work on the length a bit. Also, break up the paragraphs and fix the phrasing a bit--it makes it tough to read long blocks of text.

I'm working on a story. It's based on the idea that if humans were the peacemakers of the galaxy (year something or other thousand)
How would other races react to them?
The main character is a casttravien heptiod (CAST-rav-EE-en)
Who belongs to the underground movement trying to find the humans and bring them back. (after they got blown up by some jealous scientists)
The entire idea is very twisted and if you want me to explain it, it will take ages, so i only will if i have to.

i'm working on a story with my friend called Ironquest. the sequel wll be Magicquest and the final one will be shadowquest. the plot is there are two brothers who are basically slaves at a iron factory. they find an iron dragon, activate it and escape. they meet three sorcerers who tell them information that will help them defeat the evil sorcerer who killed their parents who are also sorcerers. the first one they meet gets killed by the shadow sorcerer and his daughter goes with them. the dragon broke and they have to fix it. then at the end the have to fight of a horde of cyclopes. this is the first chapter and the prologue
Prologue
The legend of the Seven Sorcerers

A long time ago there was a mushroom deep inside Thornbracken Wood at the center of the land of Stratacus. And one night a very long time ago this mushroom glowed in the light of a full moon. Out of it shot seven heroes. They were called the Seven Sorcerers. Their names were Norticus; the sorcerer of fire, Marina; sorceress of water, Alicia; sorceress of air, Arterran; sorcerer of earth, Silvestrus; sorcerer of metal, Belladona; sorceress of plants, and Darkenn sorcerer of shadow. This mushroom was the Mushroom of Destiny. It created these heroes because the world was in grave danger. The mages of darkness had risen up and were attacking the innocent citizens of the Seven Cities. These heroes spread to each city. They defeated the dark mages and saved the land of Stratacus. To this day they reside in their respective cities. Norticus in Flamevale, Marina in Seavale, Alicia in Windvale, Arterra in Earthvale, Silvestrus in Ironvale, Belladona in Treevale, Darkenn in Shadowvale. They do not disclose the information that they are sorcerers easily. Only four people were told of the magic of these seemingly ordinary people. These were their chlildren. Alicia and Silvestrus had two children. Marina and Arterra had one. Norticus and Belladona had one. What will become of these children? Only time will tell.
 


Chapter 1
Clayton Ironworks
Jay was a small boy of 10 years who had lived all his life in Ironvale His hands fidgeted as he inspected the sheet of iron in front of him.. Next to him, his brother, Xander was doing the same. He sighed and pushed the sheet into a chute next to him. This chute led to the output room where later in the day, Xander and he would pack them into crates and give them to their head of work, Carlos Mcgee to send to the other seven cities. He grabbed another one from the shrinking pile on his other side.
Xander next to him wasn’t inspecting an iron piece. He had taken something out of a pouch around his neck. It was a small mechanical bird. A gift from his father. Xander had seen his father for only a week until his father and mother had left under mysterious circumstances. He had heard rumors they were dead but he refused to believe them. He believed his parents had been forced to leave, against their own will. He believed they would have stayed if they could. All of a sudden a small, angry looking man barged through the doorway.
” Xander! If I catch you flouting your work again and staring at that stupid bird, I’ll burn it!”
“You wouldn’t.” Xander said
“ I would and I will! So get back to work, Worm.”
Xander sadly put the bird back into its pouch. He had to do something about this injustice! That was it! He had to escape! Of course, he woud bring Jay with him. Jay was his brother and not to be left behind. He looked up to Xander. After all, Xander was a whole month older. After several more boring and tiring hours of metal inspection they went down to the crating room where all their inspected metal had gone. As they packed it into crates Jay was thinking about freedom too.
Why me? He thought. Why is Carlos so mean to me and Xander? What did we ever do to him? Though he was just pondering, it was a fair question. What had they done to make Carlos so angry at them all the time? He treated the other workers fairly well, he gave them interesting jobs, he gave them nice bedrooms, and everything else they wanted. Why was he so mean to Xander and Jay? Though they didn’t know it, they would soon find out.
That night in ther beds Xander whispered to Jay.
“I have a plan. You know, to escape.”
“What is it?” Jay asked.
“Just that. To escape. We can explore tonight and try to find a way.”
“That isn’t much of an escape plan but it could work.” Jay said.
They got out of their bunk beds; Xander on top, Jay at the bottom, and sneaked out of the room. They shuffled quietly down long, must corridors. Each time they arrived at a door they opened it a crack and looked in. usually they were just bedrooms for the other workers, but at the end of a long hallway in the basement of the building they found a door that looked like it was made of iron. As they got closer they could see that, in fact, it was made of iron. Xander opened the door while Jay hung back slightly, nervous about what might be so dangerous it would have to shut into an iron room. The door slowly creaked open. They tentatively peered inside.
They could see a giant, hulking shape taking up most of the floor area in the room. Jay took out a candle and a match from a pocket in his shirt and lit the candle. As they walked closer, they could see the huge shape was a dragon, but not like any of the dragons they’d seen in the tomes about the beasts of old, this dragon was made of iron. Gears and pistons and pipes covered the dragon. It was slumped in a way that implied it was sleeping, except it wasn’t breathing or doing anything a living thing, or even a robot for that matter, should.
“I think it’s broken.” Jay said.
“I think you’re right” Xander replied.
They nervously approached the iron dragon and looked at it’s giant wingspan, it’s tail with a sharp shard of metal at the end
“ This is what I call an escape plan.” Xander said. “How do we turn it on?”
“I have a feeling that it needs magic. Jay replied.
“How do you know that?” Xander asked.
“It just feels like that’s how it is.”
“Too bad there’s no more magic left in the city.” Xander said.
They decided to visit every night until they could figure out an escape plan. After three nights Xander saw something under the dragon’s foot
“ Jay! Look what I just found!” Xander shouted from across the iron room. It was a letter. A letter written on parchment in a tall, elegant handwriting. It said:
Dear Carlos,
Now that I have entrusted you with my company, I am also entrusting you with this dragon. Over the years I have begun to call him Ferox. He has helped me greatly with my duties as owner and manager of Clayton Ironworks. He was a loyal worker for many years until he had a magical malfunction and became crazed and wild. I removed his magic source and shut him down. I have sent along my notes on the inner workings of the dragon and a book about magic. I hope you can get hi working again. I hope you have good business with this ironworks company. Take care of my children.
Sincerely, Silvestrus Clayton; former manager of Clayton ironworks.

“Tomorrow night let’s sneak into Carlos’ study!” Xander said.
And with that thought they decided to do something that would change their lives forever.

Niiiice! That could become a very complex plot! I expect that to you, it already is, but that is already a good idea used well, and could go on to become a lot! Very well done!

thanks so much! maybe i should show the cover here.

one time i was so high,I thought i was a milkshake. i was getting so pissed at everyone who came near mebecause i was convinced i would spill. on the ride home,i sat all the way in the back of the car with my arms cro-ssed over my head for my "lid." the person driving tooka really sharp turn and i feel over, and began crying histerically because i thought i was dead.